Understanding Women Now! OK, NOT. But You can Reduce Conflict.

Frustrating isn’t it? Things started out so well – there was romance, adventure, sex, long conversations, picnics, sex, movies…. And now…

She’s so –ah- critical. Remote. Sometimes angry. Relentless about pursuing stuff that doesn’t need discussion. Full of double standards. OR – wait a minute – maybe that’s how YOU are now. Better read the “Women Understanding Men” page too.

Common issues men bring include:

• She is so moody.
• What happened to sex?
• She wants to change me.
• She wants to discuss stuff to death.
• She nags me to do stuff.
• What happened to sex?
• She won’t just let me decompress in front of the TV after work.
• What happened to…

OK gents, here’s the useful but dangerous gender stereotype deal:

Women are generally into communication for sharing and relating. Men are generally into communication for information, maintaining position, and status. Women want security, men want respect. Women want intimacy as a condition of sex. Men want sex as a way to experience intimacy. Men and women often have different ideas about tone, volume and approaches that feel like conflict instead of communication.

Note to selves: regardless of chromosomes, we all want and deserve communication, security, respect, and intimacy. We can all tolerate some degree of conflict if fighting is fair and we maintain good channels of communication and work together to repair those conflicts.

Myths that men might believe:

• Women do not use or value reason and logic.
• Women are genetically programmed to talk more (in mixed gender social settings MEN talk and interrupt more!)
• Women aren’t interested in sex after having used it to capture their prey.

Here’s the deal – we are not going to fully understand the woman in our lives – but we can do a lot better in key areas. We can also find better ways to express our needs and boundaries (all individuals have an inalienable right to reasonable boundaries).

Women do want us to change (they are idealists and we mostly love them for it). Neither men nor women should have to compromise their core identity, but growth, communication skills, and new approaches can be transforming.